This week I’ve struggled to find the words that I want to say. It’s been extremely difficult to place any words with the tragedy that has struck our community.
Feelings? I have plenty. Frustration, anger, sadness, disappointment, and surprisingly (or not) enough: love. Words to put with those feelings? Zilch.
I got a really supportive text from a parent at the beginning of the week when all of this began. She told me that “Friends don’t have to have the words to say, it’s just their presence that is what’s needed.” And at the time, and now, it was/is exactly what I needed to hear.
My first instinct was to pack up, jump in the car, and hit the road to Charlottesville. It didn’t end up happening til the next day for multiple reasons, and even then, Ang was unreachable. Understandably. So instead of seeing her, I just texted her, multiple times (annoying? maybe), just to let her know that I was present and available if I was needed. Just like everyone else did, I’m 100% certain.
After receiving phone calls and having conversations and getting texts from SO many people that love and care for Angie and her family, I decided to text Liv and see if she’d talked to her. She responded with “yes, I went to see her on Sunday,” and then eventually told me that Angie told her the support she’s been receiving has made it that much easier. Which absolutely warmed my heart.
So, I finally decided to do something other than sit around and wait for one of my best friends, who is probably hurting immensely, to get back to ME. So I made a card and decided to go to her house and do all I’ve wanted to do all week: give her a giant hug. No one was home, so I stuck the card in the door, and then sent her a text to let her know.
I got back in my car, and I immediately felt hit with guilt. I should’ve gone to the hospital. Or found her dorm. Now, I don’t want to make this about me at all, but this is part of this horrible week: I felt like I hadn’t done enough. I knew she would do the same for me, try to reach me, and come find me. I felt like I wasn’t present in the ways that were needed, and I had failed to follow the one piece of advice I was given in this situation.
Because no one knows what to do when something so horrible happens. Everyone tries their best, but I think it becomes more of a guess, and for me, my guess was to just let her know I was there instead of searching high and low for her.
I’ve felt guilty all week getting texts/calls/having conversations with people who tell me they’re not only praying for Ang and her family, but for me and the rest of her friends as well. Because it doesn’t affect me. I’m lucky enough to have not had such a tragedy happen in my life.
But last night as I was driving home on the phone with my mom crying my eyes out, I realized it does affect the ENTIRE community. And if it didn’t, Angie wouldn’t have been able to tell Olivia that she was doing better because of everyone’s support. It definitely doesn’t affect us all in the same way, but it causes everyone to get up and do SOMETHING.
The Facebook page that was created is overwhelmed with well-wishes, comforting verses, prayers, and the amazing gifts that were left at the site of the tragedy. I’m sure their whole family’s phones are swamped with messages and calls. There are bracelets being made, and two funds that I know of being set up to help with expenses: the UVA water polo team which Ang is a part of is collecting donations and someone on the Facebook page is, too.
And as I’ve said to everyone I have talked to, which was confirmed even more by the way Angie felt about the support…even though the circumstances are horrific, it is ALWAYS amazing to see a community come together for such wonderful people.
The Kims have made such an impact on the community in their lives, something that I didn’t even recognize. I knew that every single swimming family remembers their presence at every swim meet, always with a warm smile and laughter, but I had NO clue that they impacted so many people. It is a blessing to see how beloved they were, because they deserve it.
When something tragic occurs, it is easy to feel and difficult to know what to say. Through this experience, and the knowledge that Angie is feeling better because of the support of the community, the only thing I know to say is I love you. An overused, cliché statement, but life is short, and should be sweet. So never miss out on the chance to be present and loving.
I love you, Angie.
PLEASE keep Angie, Paul, Mr. Kim, and the rest of their family in your thoughts and prayers.
oh the places you'll go 