I have contemplated whether or not to share this story for a long time, but as writing is therapeutic to me and people are probably curious, I decided to go for it:
re·sil·ience
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the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
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“the often remarkable resilience of so many British institutions”
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the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
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“nylon is excellent in wearability and resilience”
Often when we hear the word resiliency we use it as a positive attribute of someone’s character, which it is. However, we forget that in order to become resilient, you have to meet other criteria of the definition. For example, you must have difficulties or something that knocked you out of shape. To be resilient doesn’t just mean you’re tough or can “spring back into shape”–it means something happened to force you to be that way. There are many moments in our lives that we all have to be resilient: after injury or illness, after a death, after spending time in a depression funk, etc. For me, the most recent and continuing event that is causing me to utilize my resiliency is my divorce.
Wow. Divorce. Every time I say it, I can’t believe it.
The summer of 2018 was a typical summer for me at the beginning. I spent my days hanging with my pups and my evenings on the pool deck.
At the end, it turned into one of the best summers of my life. I got to travel to Las Vegas and meet my brand new baby goddaughter.
On top of that, I had the dream-come-true experience of a total Harry Potter nerd and got to spend multiple days wandering the impressive streets of Universal Studios in Orlando.
I came home on the highest of highs.
A few weeks after I got home, though, I got hit with a ton of bricks. Jack wanted a divorce. To me, it came out of the blue. There was no specific reason for it. I felt betrayed, abandoned, and like nothing was the way it should be. It was not an easy thing for me to come to terms with. I don’t write this for sympathy, but for the sake of transparency and honesty. From the outside (and to me) everything appeared to be fine, but then suddenly it wasn’t.
After years of having a partner for everything, I was alone. I had to handle my three precious hooligan dogs and two crazy cats by myself. I had to learn how to shower when it was dark outside (I get so jumpy when I have to do this) and ignore the hooligans’ barking at (most likely, I always hope) nothing. I had to relearn finances and how to cook for one. I had to be prepared to come home after a late night meet to a dark house. Most of all I had to learn how to be alone. And I’m not done learning. It’s still an adjustment. The fine days far outweigh the sad days now, but sometimes it just plain sucks.
Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to look at the bright side of things. I force myself to do this because there is no point in wallowing. In this situation, I sometimes let myself wallow because I think I deserve it. After all, every day can’t be a good day–and that is absolutely okay! However, I luckily have an awesome support system. People who may not even specifically know my situation have put a smile on my face and helped me feel supported. Some of them have reached out on a day they don’t even know is a bad one and have helped turn my mood around. I am so thankful for every laugh, smile, and word of encouragement.
And in the end, I have no regrets. I was in a relationship with someone who allowed me to completely be me. I learned about myself and about being a partner to someone. I gained family and friends that I know will continue to be part of my life. I now have time to mend bridges that I let fall into disrepair, focus on my physical and mental health, and make decisions about my life without having to consult someone else. So, yeah, I’d say I am resilient: I’ve recovered pretty quickly (although it’s an ongoing process) and I am certainly bouncing back into the shape of me. I’ve been through something in the last few months, but it wasn’t for naught. I have learned so much about myself and my village. Most of the time I don’t even let it slow me down. Moving forward I know I’ll carry this experience with me, but I also know that now the door has opened to new opportunities.
I’m not special because I’m resilient. We’re all resilient. And all we can do is take life one day at a time. Take the punches and turn them into opportunities. And, most importantly, support each other.
oh the places you'll go 